It Gets Better

"Sometimes good things fall apartso that better things can fall together"
-Marilyn Monroe 


At the beginning of the year i started off a entry about how much life sucks, and my opinion hasn't exactly changed, i still haven't been able to afford to go back to school, my family still isn't complete, in the way i want it to be, and there are a lot of things id wish on a star for....BUT nonetheless i'd say right now I feel better then I have in a while. Even though there are things I feel I need in my life, I also feel like its not rushed, before I always felt that I needed to do things in a rushed manner, but why? Take your time, take it slow, that especially goes for young girls, enjoy your childhood, take your time to grow up. And also don't feel that everything  will last forever, whatever sadness you feel it's all temporary, and it does get better.

-Marilyn Monroe

Healing

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.” 
― John Lennon

Just because life is a bitch doesn't mean I will never give up on it. I have not suffered the most in this world, I don't even deserve pity, not that I would like it. So I will push forward even if this hellish downpour decides to turn into a hurricane. I will make something of my self, and then once I have I'll help others move forward as well, because while I find life a bit meaningless there are some things I want out of it, I want to see my family as one again, I want to believe once again that not all men are pigs, I want my heart back, and I want to see my nieces and nephews grow strong and smart. I want to believe that this world isn't as horrible as my mind sets it to be, so if this is healing...then I'll give it my all.

I'm not dead, but maybe i'm close to it.

Life sucks. It's full of hardships and heartbreaks, and a bunch of idiots.
I guess maybe you can tell I've been through some shit eh? But eff it.
I've been so depressed lately, and not the "depressed" feeling you think your feeling, but the real shit.
Everything seems meaningless, literally EVERTHING, so i don't do shit.
And then I hate myself for that cause the world keeps spinning and I feel like I'm falling behind.
So what to do?


That I do not know.

Liar Liar

Seriously? parents are such liars! it's ridiculous  how often they lied to us when we were little, and now its like no big, I still feel a bit naive for still believing that we can really do whatever we want to do, but according to my parents you have to have certain qualities to be a sales person, wth! they told me I could be a doctor, lawyer, astronaut, architect whatever I wanted but if I per chance wanted to be a "sales" person It just couldnt be done? BULL shit! I mean I wasn't stupid when I was little, I knew Santa didnt exist, or any of those other halmark holiday characters, but seriously? you were lying to me about my future too? well Eff that! I think I'll go into sales just to shove it in their faces!.... gahh and youd think I was over the teen melo-drama ffffffffuuuuuuuuu -_- on the bright side, I'm going back to school this november :D

Waiting

So this past weekend I went to El Paso to visit my sister and my niece and nephew, I absolutely love them! My niece just started middle school and shes growing too damn fast it kind of scares me I miss her toddler years when she would follow me around in her walker ;) she was too cute and now she's growing into a beautiful young lady but I am kind of worried about her, shes very naive and innocent, one night we were sitting outside me, my mom, my sister, and my niece comes out to join us while were talking about my nephews new found B.O. from football practice and then the conversation turns to my niece and how for a while her neck was "black" because she didn't wash right and can you believe what she says next? "But, once you go black you never go back" XD bahaha I could help but laugh she said it so...so innocent! she had no idea it had to do with sex! after my sister got after her she ran to her room poor girl, and that's what has me so worried, who knows what these little boys will talk her into, even little girls! I remember when I was in middle school my friends (girls) were trying to talk me into kissing this boy behind the bleachers, and in the end I did *sigh* but I also lost my virginity when I was 14 but of course I knew all sorts of things about sex by then heck I knew about sex since I was in elementary school, but I'm just worried that my niece doesn't know enough, like the fact that the first time it doesn't feel good at all, in fact it didn't start feeling right till a few times. Point is even though I lost it so young I really do think girls should wait till marriage not because the bible says so but because having sex is very emotional, and what is a young girl gonna do being in "love"  having sex and then it doesn't work out? In my case I wasn't in love I did it because I was curious, and honestly I didn't want any boy to hold the "I took your virginity" card over me so I told a boy down the street that I grew up with that I wasn't a virgin and that if he wanted to sort of be friends with benefits haha he was so excited and gosh I was so nervous! anywhoo Sorry to whoever reads my posts I havent blogged in a while :/ but thank you non the less :)


-Marybby<3

Doors

It's really true that when one door closes another one opens, you just have to keep walking down the hallway to find that open door. What I mean is that while one door closes another one isn't going to simply present itself, you have to keep pushing through to find the next opportunity. So I had that horribly scary night with that one guy last week, and I thought sure enough he had gotten what he wanted (although not fully) but I suppose he thought all was well and IM-ed me yesterday telling me I should go over again, and I asked him point blank if this was a booty call, and this time the jerk off was pretty honest haha he said yes, the nerve! really lol so I turned down the offer and soon after another guy IM-ed me as well, this time it wasnt a booty call or any of the sort just innocent flirting, and joking around, it really did feel like another door had opened, not that I was looking for a boyfriend necessarily, but that after talking to a guy who is less than worthy, i'm lucky to have a sweet friendly guy to flirt with afterwards, and helps me have hope that not all guys are jerk offs ツ for a while I did give up and I was frustrated that no doors had opened for me after Jonathan had broken my heart (so dramatic I know haha) but little things like this just go to show hope still exists 
｡◕ ‿ ◕｡






-Marybby<3

Where Do You Run To?

I thought today couldn't get any worse, it feels like a part of me has died a little inside.
But the last time I went through this I had someone to run to, someone to hold me and tell me all would be well.
Now I'm out of options. Do I run to the boy down the street who has always been there for me? Do I run to a dear friend of mine who's so far far away, or do I lie down and take the pain. I guess there comes a time in everyone's life where you just have to lie down, and when the worst is over stand back up. Today, tonight, my day has come.